Common Doesn’t Mean Normal
I’ll never forget the first time someone suggested that my back pain and hip tightness might not actually be coming from my back or hips.
She looked at me and said, “I think you need to see a pelvic floor physical therapist.”
My first thought was: Wait… what does my pelvic floor have to do with any of this?
Like so many women, I had spent years thinking pelvic floor therapy was only for someone who had just given birth—or maybe someone experiencing a very obvious problem “down there.”
I had no idea that the pelvic floor could be connected to chronic back pain, hip tension, urinary urgency, painful intimacy, constipation, core weakness, abdominal separation, and yes… peeing your pants when you sneeze.
Then I sat down with Lindsay Bruner, PT, DPT, OCS, a pelvic floor and orthopedic physical therapist and founder of Lindsay Bruner Physical Therapy.
And suddenly, the whole body started making more sense.
The Pelvic Floor Isn’t Just About Peeing
Most of us have heard the phrase “pelvic floor,” but very few of us were ever taught what it actually is.
Lindsay described it as a group of muscles that forms a sling—or a little hammock—at the bottom of the pelvis.
That hammock supports the bladder, uterus, bowel, pelvis, lower back, and hips. It helps us hold urine and bowel movements when we need to, but it also needs to relax so those things can happen normally.
In other words, the pelvic floor has to be able to do both:
Hold.
And let go.
That distinction mattered to me because women are often told to “just do Kegels” without ever finding out whether their pelvic floor is actually weak, overly tense, or somehow both.
As Lindsay explained, a tight muscle isn’t necessarily a strong muscle.
Imagine holding your bicep in a flexed position all day. It would feel tense and overworked—but that wouldn’t mean it was functioning efficiently.
The pelvic floor can do the same thing.
Weakness and Tension Can Look Different
Pelvic floor weakness may show up as:
Urinary leakage when you cough, laugh, sneeze, jump, or run.
Pelvic pressure or heaviness.
Symptoms of prolapse.
Difficulty supporting your core during movement.
Ongoing back or hip pain that doesn’t fully resolve.
Pelvic floor tension can show up differently:
Pain during intimacy.
Pelvic pain or tightness.
Frequent urination.
A sudden, intense need to get to the bathroom.
Constipation.
Difficulty relaxing the muscles.
And here’s the part that surprised me: you can be both tense and weak at the same time.
That’s why copying random pelvic floor exercises online isn’t always the answer. What helps one woman could make another woman’s symptoms worse.
The first step is understanding what your body is actually doing.
The Jaw-Pelvic Floor Connection
One of the most interesting parts of our conversation was the connection between the jaw and the pelvic floor.
I have TMJ. I clench my jaw. I also tend to hold tension throughout my body—especially when I’m stressed.
Lindsay explained that people who clench their pelvic floor often clench their jaw too.
The body is not a collection of unrelated parts. It’s one connected system.
Sometimes simply noticing your jaw, relaxing your neck, softening your shoulders, and taking a deeper breath can begin sending a different message throughout the body.
That doesn’t replace treatment, but it can help us become more aware of where we’re holding tension.
And awareness is often the beginning of change.
What’s Normal After Having a Baby?
Pregnancy and birth are massive physical experiences.
Whether you deliver vaginally, have a C-section, or experience both during one birth, your body needs time to recover.
In the first few weeks after birth, it can be common to experience:
Urinary leakage.
Pelvic pressure.
Abdominal separation.
Core weakness.
Soreness or discomfort.
A general feeling that your body isn’t quite steady yet.
That doesn’t automatically mean something is permanently wrong. Muscles and connective tissues have been stretched, pressured, and changed over many months.
They need time.
But Lindsay also explained that if you reach approximately the 12-week postpartum mark and symptoms aren’t improving—or they feel significant—it may be time to seek individualized support.
That includes persistent:
Urinary leakage.
Pelvic heaviness or pressure.
A sensation that feels like you’re wearing a tampon when you aren’t.
Pain.
Abdominal bulging or separation that doesn’t seem to be improving.
Difficulty returning to normal movement.
And if you’re years postpartum?
It is still not too late.
That message matters because so many moms believe they “missed their window.”
You didn’t.
Your body can still adapt, strengthen, heal, and learn new patterns.
The Six-Week Clearance Problem
Many moms attend their six-week postpartum appointment and hear:
“You’re cleared for exercise.”
But what does that actually mean?
Does it mean you’re ready to sprint?
Jump?
Lift heavy weights?
Return to CrossFit?
Do full planks and crunches?
Not necessarily.
Being medically cleared often means basic tissue healing has occurred. It does not always mean your entire core, pelvic floor, and musculoskeletal system are ready for every activity you did before pregnancy.
Lindsay said something I loved:
If birth were treated like any other major physical event, we would expect a gradual rehabilitation process.
We wouldn’t tell someone six weeks after surgery to return immediately to their most intense workout.
We would rebuild mobility.
Reconnect with muscles.
Restore strength.
Practice basic movement.
Gradually add load.
And yet moms are often expected to jump from healing directly into “getting their body back.”
You Don’t Need to Get Your Body Back
Your body didn’t go anywhere.
It carried you through pregnancy, birth, recovery, sleep deprivation, feeding, holding, lifting, and caring for another human being.
The goal isn’t to pretend none of that happened.
The goal is to help your body move forward with strength and support.
That may mean modifying an exercise.
It may mean using lighter weights.
It may mean working on breathing and coordination before jumping.
It may mean seeing a pelvic floor therapist once and leaving with a customized plan because that’s all you can realistically manage right now.
Support doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
A little individualized guidance can go a very long way.
Common Does Not Equal Normal
This was the line we kept coming back to throughout the episode:
“Common does not equal normal.”
Lots of women pee when they sneeze.
Lots of women avoid trampolines.
Lots of women experience pain during intimacy.
Lots of women live with pelvic pressure, constipation, back pain, or urgency.
That makes these experiences common.
It doesn’t mean you have to accept them forever.
There are trained professionals who understand this part of the body. There are exercises, treatments, modifications, and tools that can help.
And there is absolutely no shame in needing a tune-up years after having children.
Our bodies keep changing.
Hormones shift.
Perimenopause arrives.
Stress levels change.
Strength changes.
We’re allowed to seek support more than once.
You Deserve to Feel Strong Again
You deserve to laugh without crossing your legs.
You deserve to jump with your kids.
You deserve to exercise without fear.
You deserve to enjoy intimacy without pain.
You deserve to understand what your body is trying to tell you.
And you deserve more than being told, “That’s just what happens when you become a mom.”
It may be common.
But that doesn’t mean it has to be your normal.
A Final Note
If anything in this post made you think, Wait… that’s me, consider reaching out to a pelvic floor physical therapist.
You don’t have to diagnose yourself.
You don’t have to know exactly what’s wrong.
You don’t have to wait until your symptoms become unbearable.
You can simply say:
“Something doesn’t feel right, and I’d like help understanding it.”
That is enough.
You can connect with Lindsay Bruner and learn more about her concierge pelvic floor and orthopedic physical therapy services at lindsaybrunerpt.com.
You can also watch our full conversation on the We Got You Mama Show.
Because motherhood may change your body—but you don’t have to navigate those changes alone.
We Got You, Mama.