I Wasn’t Lazy. I Wasn’t Broken. My Brain Was Just Wired Differently.
I spent years believing there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
Not because I didn’t care. Quite the opposite. I cared deeply. I wanted to be organized, stay on top of deadlines, finish projects, remember appointments, and keep all the balls in the air. I wanted to be the mom who had it together.
Instead, I constantly felt like I was falling behind.
I’d start ten projects and finish three. I’d forget something important, beat myself up over it, promise myself I’d do better, and somehow find myself right back in the same cycle. From the outside, it probably looked like I wasn’t trying hard enough. On the inside, I was trying harder than anyone knew.
When I was finally diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s, everything changed.
Not because the diagnosis magically solved my problems, but because it finally gave me language for something I’d been carrying my entire life. It wasn’t a lack of intelligence. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t a character flaw.
My brain was simply wired differently.
That realization came flooding back during my conversations with ADHD coach Jheri South. As a mom of seven neurodivergent children and someone who has ADHD herself, Jheri has a way of explaining the ADHD brain that replaces shame with understanding—and honestly, I wish every parent could hear it.
ADHD Isn’t About Trying Harder
One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that people simply need more discipline or motivation.
If you’ve ever told yourself—or your child—”Just focus,” “Try harder,” or “You know how to do this,” you’re certainly not alone. I know I’ve said versions of those things to myself more times than I can count.
The problem is, that’s not actually how the ADHD brain works.
As Jheri explained, most people with ADHD already know what they need to do. The challenge isn’t knowledge—it’s getting the brain to engage with the task in the first place.
That was a lightbulb moment for me.
Because if you’ve ever watched someone with ADHD spend hours researching something they’re passionate about but struggle to start a simple homework assignment or load the dishwasher, it can feel confusing. The ability is there… until suddenly it isn’t.
Jheri teaches what she calls the WIRED Framework, explaining that ADHD brains become engaged when one of five things is present: wants, interest, rivalry or challenge, emergency, and desire or novelty. Without one of those ingredients, even an important task can feel impossible to start.
Suddenly, so many experiences from my own life—and my daughters’ lives—made sense.
I Saw My Childhood in My Daughter
During our conversation, I shared a story about my youngest daughter taking nearly four hours to finish a small homework packet.
As parents, it’s easy to think, “Why is this taking so long?”
But Jheri reframed the situation in a way I’d never considered.
My daughter had already spent the entire school day working incredibly hard to stay focused, follow directions, and meet expectations. By the time she got home, her brain had already used up so much energy that another worksheet didn’t just feel boring—it felt physically overwhelming.
That’s one of the things I’ve learned about ADHD: what looks like defiance is often exhaustion.
And what looks like procrastination is often overwhelm.
Instead of asking, “Why won’t you do it?” we can start asking, “What’s making this task feel so hard?”
That one shift changes everything.
The Shame So Many Kids Carry
One of the hardest parts of our conversation was talking about the emotional side of ADHD.
Jheri shared that she’s worked with children as young as fourth grade who were self-harming because they believed something was wrong with them.
That absolutely broke my heart.
It also brought back memories of my own teenage years. I struggled with anxiety, depression, and eventually suicidal thoughts. At the time, ADHD was never part of the conversation. I was treated for the symptoms without anyone asking what might be causing them.
Looking back, I can’t help but wonder how different that experience might have been if someone had understood how my brain actually worked.
That’s why awareness matters so much.
Not because every child needs a label, but because every child deserves to understand themselves before they start believing they’re broken.