Helping Our Children Trust Themselves in a Noisy World
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how difficult it has become for people to be fully present.
We’re talking—but also checking our phones.
Listening—but already forming our response.
Sitting with our children—but mentally running through tomorrow’s schedule.
We have more ways to communicate than ever, yet so many of us feel increasingly disconnected from ourselves and one another.
That’s why my conversation with Sonia Bestulic felt so timely.
Sonia is a communication scientist, holistic speech pathologist, Reiki Master, intuitive life and business strategist, international speaker, and four-time award-winning author.
Her newest book, Five Golden Keys to Raising Empowered Humans, blends science, spirituality, communication, and practical tools to help parents raise children who trust themselves and flourish from the inside out.
But the conversation wasn’t only about changing our children.
It was about changing ourselves.
We Can’t Delegate Our Inner Work
Sonia said something that immediately stayed with me:
“We can’t delegate our inner work.”
We can outsource meals, cleaning childcare, administrative work, transportation, and business tasks. But we cannot hire someone else to heal our patterns, regulate our nervous system, examine our triggers, or learn how to communicate with greater honesty and presence.
That work belongs to us.
And our children often become the mirrors that reveal where that work needs to happen.
They reflect our patience.
Our anxiety.
Our boundaries.
Our emotional habits.
Our ability—or inability—to slow down.
That doesn’t mean we should feel guilty. It means we have information. Awareness is not a punishment. It’s an invitation.
Our Children Feel Us Before They Hear Us
We often focus on finding the right words. But children experience far more than our words. They notice our tone, our body language, our breathing, our tension and whether we’re truly listening. They know when we feel emotionally available or if the room feels safe or not.
Sonia described our emotional and energetic state as something that communicates before we ever speak.
That made me think about how often we say, “I’m fine,” when our whole body is saying otherwise.
Children feel that contradiction. They may not have the vocabulary to explain it, but they know something doesn’t match. And when we repeatedly deny what they’re sensing, we may unintentionally teach them not to trust their own perception.
Telling the Truth Builds Their Intuition
Sonia shared a story about a mother who had experienced a difficult day and was trying not to cry in front of her four-year-old.
Her son kept asking what was wrong. She kept insisting she was fine. Eventually, he walked away, returned with his teddy bear, handed it to her, and left.
He already knew.His body and intuition had accurately read the situation.
What would happen if, instead of denying it, we said:
“I’ve had a hard day, and I’m feeling sad. Crying is helping my body release some of that feeling. I’m going to be okay.”
That doesn’t burden a child with adult problems. It shows them that emotions are human. That sadness can be named. That crying is not weakness. And most importantly, it confirms: You were right to trust what you felt.
That skill matters far beyond childhood. We want our children to trust themselves when a friendship feels wrong, when a situation feels unsafe, when someone’s words and actions don’t align or when their body is telling them to slow down, speak up, or walk away.
Presence Is a Practice
Many of us are functioning with what Sonia calls “fragmented attention.” We’re pulled in multiple directions so constantly that distraction begins to feel normal. But children know when we aren’t really with them. Even when we’re nodding. Even when we’re saying “uh-huh.” Even when we think we’re doing a convincing job of pretending to listen.
Being present doesn’t mean dropping everything every time a child speaks. That isn’t always realistic—or even helpful. It may look like turning toward them and saying: “I want to hear what you have to say. I need two minutes to finish this, and then I can give you my full attention.”
That teaches several things at once:
You matter.
What you’re saying matters.
Mom’s needs matter too.
You can wait.
And I will come back.
Children benefit from clear expectations and loving boundaries. They do not need unlimited access to us every second of the day in order to feel secure.
Mom Time Teaches Something Too
When Sonia’s children were young, she made bath time a ritual.
Candles.
Lavender salts.
Classical music.
Stillness.
Her children learned that when the bath was running, it was “Mum time.” They didn’t experience that boundary as rejection. It became part of the family rhythm.
That image stayed with me because so many mothers feel guilty for creating space that belongs only to them. But how will our children learn to respect their own needs if they never see us respect ours?
How will they learn that rest matters if they only see us earning it through exhaustion?
How will they learn that quiet is valuable if we constantly fill every empty space?
Our boundaries become part of what we model.
Raising Self-Leaders, Not Passive Rule Followers
Rules matter.
Structure matters.
Boundaries matter.
But Sonia explained that we also want children to actively participate in life rather than simply wait for someone else to direct them.
That can begin with very small decisions.
What should we make for dinner?
How could we solve this problem?
What role would you like to take?
What do you think your body needs right now?
What time do you think you need to leave in order to arrive home by 5:30?
These invitations build internal leadership.
They help children practice:
Decision-making.
Problem-solving.
Contribution.
Responsibility.
Intuition.
Self-trust.
And they show children that their voice has value—even when the adult still holds the final boundary.
The Lego Block Lesson
One of my favorite stories Sonia shared involved her son building a tall Lego tower. He had used almost every block and was left holding the final piece. The tower looked unstable. He hesitated and handed the block to Sonia. “I don’t trust myself,” he told her. “You put it on.”
Instead, she invited him to place it himself—and trust himself regardless of whether the tower stayed standing or fell.
That is such a powerful picture of real confidence. Confidence is not believing everything will always work.
It is believing:
Even if this falls apart, I can handle what happens next.
We often protect children from mistakes because we don’t want them to feel disappointed. But mistakes become the training ground for resilience. The goal isn’t to raise children who never fall. It is to raise children who know they can get back up without losing trust in themselves.
Contribution Builds Belonging
Children want to contribute. They want roles. They want to feel useful. They want to know they are part of something bigger than themselves.
Chores aren’t only about getting the dishes done or the laundry folded.
They communicate:
You belong here.
You have something to offer.
This family works together.
Your contribution matters.
Yes, it may be faster to do it ourselves. Especially when they are little. Especially when the folded towels look like they survived a tornado. But contribution builds confidence, responsibility, life skills, and a sense of community.
Eventually, the goal is not to have children who depend on us for everything. It is to raise humans who know how to care for themselves and participate in caring for others.
Regulation Looks Different for Every Child
This part of our conversation felt especially important for neurodivergent families.
Children may hold themselves together all day at school.
They follow instructions.
Sit still.
Navigate noise.
Manage transitions.
Mask.
Work hard to meet expectations.
Then they come home and fall apart. That doesn’t mean the behavior is easy for parents. It can be incredibly draining. But it may help to understand that the child is not necessarily trying to create chaos. Their system may be trying to regulate after using enormous energy throughout the day.
Instead of only asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” we can begin asking:
“What is their body communicating?”
Do they need movement?
Quiet?
Food?
Deep pressure?
Music?
Dance?
Time outside?
A hug?
A bath?
A trampoline?
A place to be alone?
For Sonia’s son, movement was essential.
For my daughter, it may be dancing full-out between math problems.
There is no one-size-fits-all regulation tool. The goal is to help children notice their own signals and build a menu of strategies that help them return to safety in their bodies.
Sound, Rhythm, and the Environment Matter
Sometimes we think emotional regulation happens only through talking.
But Sonia reminded us that our environment communicates too.
Light.
Noise.
Screens.
Music.
Nature.
Clutter.
Movement.
The physical space around us can either support regulation or make it harder.
Sound and music can shift the feeling of an entire household.
A walk outside can interrupt a spiral of overthinking.
Dancing can help move energy through the body.
Looking at greenery can bring us back into the present.
Breathing can reconnect us with ourselves.
These tools sound simple because they are simple.
That doesn’t mean they aren’t powerful.
You Don’t Have to Be Happy All the Time
Sonia shared something I had never really considered:
Even excitement can be dysregulating.
The physical sensations of excitement and anxiety can look surprisingly similar.
A racing heart.
Fast breathing.
Restlessness.
Heightened energy.
That’s why a child may be thrilled about a birthday for days—and then completely melt down once the celebration arrives.
Emotional regulation is not about being calm, happy, and peaceful every second.
It is about learning how to move through different emotional states without becoming permanently stuck inside them.
We can feel joy and still stay grounded.
We can feel sadness and allow it to move.
We can feel anger without becoming dangerous.
We can feel excitement and recognize when our body needs rest.
Human flourishing does not mean permanent positivity. It means having the capacity to experience our full humanity.
Empowered Parents Raise Empowered Humans
We cannot control every influence our children encounter. We cannot remove every difficult experience. We cannot guarantee that they will never make a painful choice. But we can create a home where they learn:
My emotions are information.
My body communicates with me.
My voice matters.
I can contribute.
I can recover from mistakes.
I can trust myself.
I am allowed to ask for support.
And I belong.
That begins with us practicing those same truths. Not perfectly. But honestly.
A Final Note
The world is getting louder. Technology is moving faster. Outside opinions are available every second of the day. Our children will need more than information. They will need discernment, self-trust, presence, emotional literacy, the courage to think independently, and the ability to return to themselves when the world pulls them in a thousand directions.
That work begins in the smallest moments:
A truthful conversation.
A boundary honored.
A feeling named.
A Lego block placed.
A child invited to contribute.
A mom allowing herself to cry.
You can connect with Sonia Bestulic and learn more about her coaching, resources, and award-winning book, Five Golden Keys to Raising Empowered Humans, at soniabestulic.com.
You can also watch our full conversation on the We Got You Mama Show.
We don’t need to raise perfect children. We need to help raise humans who know who they are, trust what they feel, and believe they can navigate whatever comes next.
And that starts with us.
We Got You, Mama.