Full Transcription: Postpartum Truths Nobody Told You: Shari from Navigating Parenthood
Introduction to Shari and Her Background
Woo! Welcome to Cherry’s Dance to the We Got You Mama Summit. We’re so happy that you’ve joined us. And, um, you are joining us from? Northern California, kind of between San Francisco and Sacramento. Awesome. So you’re like—I grew up in Seattle, so that’s like our weather is very, like, same, same, same. Um, cool, cool. So you are a baby and parent wellness practitioner. I got that right. Baby and parent wellness practitioner, because she has practice and expertise in a million different things. And I want you to share kind of your journey into this space and, um, all the different things that you focus on and, you know, the kind of people you work with. And then we’ll launch into some things that, um, really resonated with me when I learned about—when I learned about Cherry.
Shari’s Professional Journey and Personal Experiences
So tell us all about you. People are sick of hearing my voice over and over, so we’re just—I’m sure they’re not. Um, yeah, so I was in the content and editorial space and multimedia and all of that. You know, I got my master’s in creative writing and associates in journalism. I worked for magazines and online websites and stuff. And I had, um, my 13-year-old, and I was like, I want a website for parents. And I didn’t like writing about, um, like, actors and their kids and, like, following, you know, all that stuff. Like, that’s the type of place I was working for at the time. I was like, uh, I don’t really care about celebrities. I want to write about, like, parenting, parenting stuff.
So, and at the time, um, blogging was kind of changing. And I was like, wait, I could just—I originally looked down on it because, you know, I came from this editorial space. And at the time, blogging was like, here’s my day, here’s my personal diary. Um, but it was changing. I was like, I can just make my own website. So I made my own parenting and lifestyle website. And it was based, you know, on my daughter, who was Savannah at the time. So it was Savvy Every Day. Um, and then there was another shift where it was like, you need to have more than a website. You need to have some sort of product. So I was going to create a course for parents, like the hospital course, only, like, both parents could actually attend, you know, and it could be virtual.
So I was like, I need to come from a place of expertise. I was pregnant with my now seven-year-old. And so I went to train as a birth doula so that I could do this whole, like, newborn, um, parent course from a place of expertise. And during that training, I learned a lot for my own birth and for this course I was going to do. And I learned about postpartum doulas. And I learned about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders just a little bit. And I learned about how I’ve been suffering with it, um, since having my 13-year-old. And I had seen therapists for different things, talked to them, like, talked, you know, trying to get somebody who understood, like, this isn’t me. I know it’s not. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, you know. And, um, nobody pinpointed that. And so to be able to put a name to it was really huge.
Contrasting Birth and Postpartum Experiences
Um, and then that was a completely different birth experience than my 13-year-old. With her, I had the package. I was in my 20s. I didn’t look pregnant after I gave birth to her. Even though I had the package, everything was fine. With him, I gained, like, the most weight I’d ever gained. And I had an extremely fast natural birth. And I had shakes, you know, I had chills and sweats and all these things and these aches and pains I didn’t understand. And I went back into the ER after I gave birth to him, spent all day with, like, them probing and doing internal ultrasounds. Not what you want when you’re just out of birth, like a fast birth. Um, for them to say at the end of the day, like, oh, this is just natural stuff from having a fast birth. And I was like, this is nuts. Like, this is night and day from, you know, like, you would think my natural birth, everything would be wonderful, would be better than the other time. But I was older. They had, like, a six-year difference. Um, and I wasn’t expecting all this stuff in postpartum. No one told me that this could happen.
Developing Expertise in Postpartum and Infant Care
Um, so I was like, okay, instead of focusing on the other course I was going to do, I need to do something about postpartum. So I trained as a postpartum doula. And I created a postpartum prep program that included, like, IBCLCs, you know, um, Baby Let’s Sleep experts, uh, other doulas and stuff. And it’s, like, really comprehensive. Um, and it’s about preparing while you’re still pregnant, which is a concept people didn’t quite grasp. But now there’s more—you see more of that now. More people are starting to pick up the whole postpartum prep concept, which is awesome. Yeah. But from there, it kind of dominoed. You learn about one thing. And then in that training, you learn about something else.
So then I learned about, um, I don’t know, I can’t remember if it was infant massage first or I was already in a lactation educator counselor training. Um, but I think it was—so I think it was infant massage. I trained in infant massage. And then I was pregnant again. And I was like, well, let’s do this lactation educator training because I love breastfeeding my babies. And I’m one of those extended breastfeeders. Um, yeah, why not add it to my portfolio? Because, you know, here I am helping parents. And usually they need this lactation support, you know, or feeding support. It doesn’t have to be that they’re necessarily body feeding.
Um, and so while taking this training, I was learning about torticollis. And I looked down at my daughter and I’m like, oh, wow, she has it. And so then I was able to advocate for her to go see, you know, a pediatric PT for torticollis because otherwise my pediatrician wasn’t going to notice it. Um, yeah, so it’s just—it’s just been kind of like not only the trainings leading me on this rabbit hole of more trainings, but my children, like, with each kiddo I have, I’m like, oh, there’s this, you know. Um, my 13-year-old could have had a tendon lip tie, but I didn’t know about it then. And with my now seven-year-old, the doula happened to mention, oh, I think he has a little tendon lip tie. So I had his released, but I didn’t know about all the other work you’re supposed to do with it. Um, and then same with my now five-year-old. I did—then I had infant massage training and I had some lactation training. So I did a little bit more, but there were still so many missing pieces.
Continuous Education and Holistic Approaches
And then when my two and a half year old was born, by then I had my, um, even more training. And since then, you know, I’ve trained as a baby-led, uh, sleep and well-being specialist, um, in craniosacral therapy in, like, multiple levels because there’s more than one class you take. Um, I’ve trained in the infant frenectomy protocol, um, from Dr. Chelsea Pinto. And then I’ve held my own oral tie summit with, um, Dr. Gigi. And, um, I’ve also done another postpartum, um, doula course. And then I am a certified breastfeeding specialist. Like, I’ve done all these extra trainings since then. So with my, um, now two and a half year old, I was able to do a little bit more. And then even since him, now I’m, like, able to help families even more.
It’s like, oh, this is the—these were all the pieces I was missing. And I see a difference in, you know, the three kids, the ones that I didn’t know, hey, you’re supposed to do all this other stuff, versus this one who was like, okay, I got to do a little bit more with you, but still not everything that I know now. And, um, yeah, and each as I’m learning stuff, it’s just all unraveling. And I’m like, this is connected to this. And I’ve been looking into primitive reflexes and neurology. And, um, really everything is connected. And so to me, it’s essential that I know lactation and bodywork care and, you know, the development and all these other things across the lifespan, and especially in pregnancy because it starts there.
The Fourth Trimester and Root Causes
My whole thing is postpartum begins while you’re still expecting. Yeah, and you’re still pregnant after you give birth to your baby because there’s that fourth trimester. So I’m—I try to wrap people’s minds around that. And everything in pregnancy sets you up for postpartum. And it sets your baby up for their development because how they’re positioned and all that stuff, it affects everything. So, um, yeah, it’s a lot. And so I just tell people, I’m a baby and parent wellness practitioner. I look at the whole picture, find root causes. You know, there’s more to it than just, oh, your baby has a tie. Let’s do this snip and then you’ll be good. You know, there’s—it’s the ton is connected through the deep front line all the way down to your feet. So it affects the whole body. Yeah.
And that’s something—let’s talk about that. That’s fascinating because that’s what happened with me. I was in the hospital and I was like, this, this is, I mean, I felt like destroyed every time. Each breastfeeding journey in the beginning was super rough for me. And I did notice that when he started crying. And I was like, oh, oh, my friend had that. And she told me about it. And then she said she wasn’t able to, like, ever nurse and latch properly because she didn’t catch it early. And I was like, so it was on my mind. And so I mentioned it. And then they had someone, a doctor, guy come in. And I was like, oh, just do a little snip. I’m like, great, snip it. Great. You know, and things I think were okay. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m probably going to learn from you. They weren’t okay. And here’s why. And maybe I’ll, like, yeah, I’m going to have 20,000 aha moments, you know.
Every Birth and Baby is Unique
But yeah, three kids here too, 13 and and 11 and 7. And, um, this was my middle, so my 11-year-old. So same thing. And you’re like, oh, I got this. This is whatever. I’m like, this is different. This is, you know, he was different. And every baby’s are. And so, um, that’s why I’ve always been, have also been really encouraging second, third time moms. Like, come to the summit. You’re going to learn different things. You’re young. Second time, third time around, if these babies will be different, the birth will be, the carrying the baby will be different. And birthing will be different. And then the babies are all different. Every baby is different, their own person. And every birth experience is different. Therefore, every postpartum experience is different. Yeah. And then if you have a second or third child, you didn’t have a second or, you know, right, you didn’t have those other children before when you had your first. And then we have updates and, like, safety measures and all this, you know, it’s different.
One of the trainings I did was newborn mothers. And I love that term because you are a newborn parent every time. You are going through this transition every time. You’re a very new person each time. Because, yeah, now you have more kids. Mm-hmm. And this birth was different. And you’re a different age. And, you know, there’s so many factors in your life that are different. It’s not the same environment. It’s not like, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So tell me, I’m just like, yeah, yeah, totally. And then, like, when you say you’ve learned more with each kid, I’m like, being in this process and talking to all these wonderful moms and experts, I’ve been like, I should have a fourth because I’d be killing it. I’d be killing it with my fourth kid because I know, like, so much more. Um, but also the reason, you know, we do what we do, right? To bring people into this, all knowing all the things and then feeling empowered and, you know, and all the things I think is important.
Understanding Tongue and Lip Ties
Um, so I would love to get more into, um, just so, you know, the mom out there that’s pregnant or realize something is going on. Um, the whole tongue tie, you know, situation, what does that look like? What are the signs to look for? And, um, what is the proper measure someone takes to, you know, get it handled? So first of all, I don’t want someone to feel guilty, like, oh, this is all my fault. Um, there’s a lot, we’re still unclear about where tongue ties come from. Yeah. It’s, I mean, we kind of know it’s genetic. If another kid had it, the next one probably will. You probably have one, which you may realize as time goes on, kind of like how a lot of parents are realizing, oh, hey, I might be autistic, you know, as they go through this journey with their kid as they get evaluated.
Yeah. Um, and, you know, it could be, there’s some different theories that we have folic, more folic acid in all of our food, which is not a natural form of folate. And those of us with, like, this certain gene, um, cannot tolerate it well. There’s, like, you know, um, concepts where they’re like, oh, it’s developed, it’s the development, or it just happens because of genetics, or it happens because of our food supply these days, you know, so many theories, but they are not new. Um, I know there’s some, like, articles this past year that that really brought up a lot of, like, suspicion around the evaluation of, um, tendon lip ties and like, oh, it’s just a money grabber. Um, but if you search online, there’s images of midwives using their fingernails to cut tendon ties. Um, from like the 1900s or 1700s. Well, it was a long time ago. Yeah. Um, and I’m like, oh, I can see how that would, I mean, it had to be really good. Just your, just your motion of like just getting in there and using your finger. I’m like, sleeping like that. I’m like, oh, okay. Doesn’t sound fun. But they’ve been recognizing it. And like just thinking about it forever.
It’s just like, just like everything else right now with the depression, rains, anxiety in children, it’s exponential. Like we’re noticing it more. And there should be more research about why is all this happening right now? Like what do we need to change? But, um, aside from that, it’s something to be aware of ahead of time when you have your baby, if latching is not going well, um, they’re not like doing a real nice open mouth latch, you know, there, there are a lot of symptoms to tendon lip ties, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a tendon lip tie.
Symptoms and Evaluation of Oral Ties
You need to, um, so here’s some symptoms that could be it, but they could be something else. It could be lip blisters. Um, it could be they can’t extend their tongue, but they can also still extend their tongue. So you never know. Um, you know, cheeks are not incorporated. Um, you might notice that their head, if, if they have like a head preference, everyone has a head preference, but if it’s like they’re really not turning, if they have a lot of gas and reflux, these are all symptoms of a tongue tie, but don’t necessarily mean tongue tie. There could be other things going on too. Yeah. Um, and so if you start noticing some things like that, they always have white on their tongue and it’s not thrush. That’s called milk tongue because their tongue can’t reach the roof of their mouth to clean, you know. Um, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
So if you’re seeing some of those signs paired with them not, you know, always choking, gagging at the breasts, you know, dripping milk, um, then it’s like, okay, let’s go see a frenulum specialist. Um, usually they’re a dentist who is trained in oral ties. Um, a lot of people tend to go to the pediatrician. Um, and unfortunately, we kind of put this pressure on pediatricians and OBs to be like, you must know everything. You’re the baby doctor, you know, you’re the pregnancy doctor. They don’t, you know, this is a specialty. Some pediatricians may feel like they have to give an answer or like, instead of just saying, this isn’t my area, I’m referring out, they’ll be like, no, you’re fine. Or, oh, it’ll stretch out, you know, just keep breastfeeding or something. And that’s not the case.
The Importance of a Care Team
Um, so what you want to do is work with a IBCLC who is trained in oral ties because if they aren’t, they’re not going to help you, um, in a good way. Okay. And you want to find a craniosacral therapist because you need to work on releasing the tension in the body because, as I said, the tongue is connected down to the feet. And you want to find the frenulum specialist. Um, some frenulum specialists will be like, oh, we can do it today, which is why I say seek out the lactation care and the bodywork first because you want to be working on that tension. So that way when they, if they say yes, this is a tie, because only the frenulum specialist can diagnose that. Like the rest of us can, if we’ve been trained in it, say, I think it might be something you should have them look at, but only they can diagnose.
Um, but that’s pretty, I mean, that’s pretty common practice too. Like if you see their frenulum like attached like at the tip of your tongue and you’re like, oh yeah, at the tip, there’s no denying that. Right. Like you’d be like, yeah, you can’t move their tongue. Let’s look into that. And I just remember being in the hospital and like that, you know, was never brought up or she didn’t look or you know what I mean? And it was, oh yeah, that’s just happened here. And it was, it was pretty clear. I I thought, especially when they cry and you’re like, that’s not that, that’s, you know. Um, yeah.
Release Procedures and Rehabilitation
But there’s a thing called faux ties too, where people will go, they got the snip, you know, or if you see a frenulum specialist, they use a laser now, which I personally prefer, but you know, there’s pros and cons to lasers. And like, if you go through your medical insurance and you see an ENT, they do what they call snip, where it’s a cut. Yeah, that’s what my son got. So that’s another thing you need to look into. Do I have a frenulum specialist who’s a DDS trained in this field near me? Or is an ENT my only resource? And like, do I want to travel for one or the other? You have to look into your pros and cons. Um, because you want to make sure that when they do actually do a release, if that’s needed, they do a complete one. And you know, um, because your frenulum is normal in your mouth and it’s going to reattach, but you want it to reattach in an optimal position, which means you have to continue wound care. But it also means you have to do other things to rehabilitate, just like if you broke your foot or your knee or you broke your hand.
Yeah. And you’re like, how do I learn to write with this hand? You know, if you’ve never written it, uh, used it to write with before. So these babies don’t know how to use their tongue or incorporate their cheeks or all these different muscles. Yeah. And so they need the assistance of not just the wound care, which people tend to think is all they need. They think of that as the exercises. Um, but then the IBCLC will give you, um, more exercises based on your infant’s, um, reflexes that they already do at their age and stage. Mm-hmm. And to help get the tongue moving and, and, you know, get things like incorporated so that you can have a good latch.
Long-term Impacts of Untreated Ties
And this is important even if you’re not breastfeeding because it will affect, you know, like your, your example where they couldn’t lift their tongue because the tie was right at the tip of the mouth. They can’t eat solids or even purees, you know, um, puree type solids, you know, and affect speech. And then because it’s connected down to the feet, it’s affecting the crawl, which affects like how the body integrates, which affects your brain and then behavior things later and learning to read and write and all of this. So it’s like, it affects more than you think. Yeah. Um, and it affects like colic and stuff if it was. Yes, because if you’re, if you’re all tight and you know, um, if they’re not eating well, they may have like aphasia where they’re getting like a lot of air in and getting like a lot of gas in their stomach. Um, and they’re like, oh, it’s colic. They’ll grow out of it. Okay. But in the meantime, they’re in pain. They’re in pain. Have you ever had indigestion or like this giant gas bubble, you know, um, and you can do all the things to massage, but it’s still there.
Yeah. He was so sad. He was just so sad. And like, that’s hard. If anyone’s had a colic EB, it’s so hard. I had to hire a babysitter that was experienced with colic because she’d just come off a summer watching her nephew who had colic. So she was fine with like, he’s fine. He’s going to be screaming and crying. And I had to just leave. And I was like, lie to me when I get back and tell me he wasn’t screaming the whole time just to keep some sort of sanity. So you’re saying that if he was clipped wrong or something like that could have affected how he ate and digested and like could kind of that.
Fascia and Bodywork
But also if you didn’t do body work, which it sounds like you didn’t know about. So because, so we have fascia all throughout our body. It’s, um, in between our muscles and bones. And it looks kind of like a sticky spider web. And it is kind of like a spider web catches the flies and stuff. It kind of catches like, let’s say someone scared you and you’re like, oh, you know, you kind of tense up and then you kind of relax again. That’s the fascia in our body kind of protecting us. Or you’re in a car accident or, um, something very emotional happens to you. You’re, you feel it physically, you know, you tighten, you tense. Yeah, that’s our fascia. And it tenses up to protect us as an innate instinct, but it doesn’t know how to like necessarily release.
So you could have tight fascia in one part of your body and it’s affecting another part of your body because there’s certain pathways where the fascia connects, like, you know, up here, down in your pelvis, your knees, you know, your ankles, you know, it all connects. And then there’s different, like straight pathways, like the one I mentioned, the front line where it connects down from your tongue to your feet. So you add the fact that this baby was developing with this oral tie to possibly a traumatic birth experience. If there were forceps used that, um, compressed anything in their head, um, you know, there’s going to be fascial tightness in so many places in the body. And so that’s why it’s important to see a craniosacral therapist.
Building Your Modern Village
And I also believe in like, some people are like, well, I like my pediatric chiropractor. Great. See them too, but they do different things. Very different. Just like a massage therapist does something different than a chiropractor. Sure. Um, so I think it’s fantastic to have a, you know, many modalities that are helping you. Like I’ll tell people, okay, at this point, I want to keep working with you for CST, but see a pediatric PT because I want you to tell your doctor what’s going on and get that referral because that’s a whole nother space, you know, at that point. Um, and I think the more support you have, the better. And I tell, I tell people, this is what your village is. People are always like, what’s, where’s the village that they say I’m supposed to have? Well, in 2024, it’s the village that you create. It’s the village of your care team to support you.
Um, because there’s no like free volunteers that are just like, that’s their job to like come around people here, at least in the US, you know. Um, so it’s the village you create and you need to, that’s why I feel like it’s so important while you’re still pregnant, create that in advance if you can, because you need emotional support, especially if you have a comic baby and you’re dealing with that, they co-regulate. And so if you’re upset, they’re even more upset. Yeah. And they feel it, you know, when moms are dealing with depression or anxiety, the baby gets that high cortisol and it affects them too. And then it’s like this horrible, like round and round and round. Yeah.
Exploring Oral Tension: Buckles and Function
So, um, I’ve kind of digressed a little bit and I have to remember what I was talking about, but, um, yeah, so the craniosacral therapist can release some of that tension. So that way when they get the, the tongue or lip tie, or if you have a provider who does the buckles, because I’ve seen those be very tight and affect things still. Um, where are the buckles? That’s usually like kind of almost, it’s to the side. Okay. Right here. Yeah. It’s not really the cheeks so much. Some people will say that, but it’s, you know, up here and down here or over here. And, um, that’s like, people don’t think of it as affecting as much because it’s not restricting the tongue. It’s not restricting right here for food, but it’s all on the sides. And so it used to be sometimes they would release the buckles. Now they’re like, well, we don’t release the buckles. It really depends on who you talk to. Everyone has their own, their own thing. Yeah. Um, and then again, aside from looking at the symptoms of the tie, you have to look at the function. Okay. They’re, I’m seeing these symptoms, you know, how is it affecting function?
And now let’s look at the actual tie because you could see a frenulum specialist who’s like, I see a tie, but I’m not seeing any symptoms or function issues. So I think we should leave it alone. Yeah. So there’s a lot to think about and look at. You have to look at getting the body work done. So that way if it is a tie and they release it, um, they’re not clipping or lasering, you know, muscle. So it’s a thinner frenulum for them to work with so that even a midwife could do it with her nail. Um, and that, you know, leads to better healing because it’s, you know, you cut what was supposed to be cut, right? Um, or, or lasered.
Comprehensive Post-Procedure Care
Um, and then so it’s getting that body work first, making sure you’re working with a lactation professional because sometimes it actually isn’t an oral tie. It’s the tension that’s creating symptoms that look like a tie. So it can prevent you from needing that procedure, but also it can help prepare you for a like better outcome in that procedure. And then you get the procedure and then the hard part, believe it or not, is all the work afterward because some people are like, oh, I only need to do four weeks of wound care. I only need to do six weeks of wound care depending on, you know, what they’re told. I also need to do all the exercises. And then as a craniosacral therapist too, I’ll tell people, and I want you to do this, this and this. I have even more exercises for them, oral exercises and body exercises because it’s all connected. And, um, they have to keep, you know, doing that and watch for things and yeah.
So that can also launch into like gas. You all hear all the baby so gassy or we’re really going to pump his legs. Like I was like queen of, um, queen of mama’s bliss. Um, oh yeah. The gas drops. Yes. Like I was like swore by them. I would dip her binky in and she said, and then it would like, you’d hear it gurgle through and she’d release. And so I was like all about, um, all about all the, all the gas drops, but it was just kind of like relieving what was going on. I don’t think I was, you know, dealing with the root cause at all. Yeah. Because in that case, it could be you, um, they, they needed more help incorporating their cheeks and building up the strength of their cheeks to make sure that was like a good seal. Maybe they needed, maybe there was, um, a little lower jaw. Um, the lower jaw needed to come forward.
Addressing Root Causes and Recurrence
I’m forgetting words. Um, and you know, there’s a lot of other stuff that we kind of have to look at beyond just taking away the, the tongue or lip tie. And so that’s why having this whole team that’s looking at it from different angles to help you is important. And sometimes, I mean, you get the tongue and lip tie released and it’s like, oh, their gas went away. Oh, this is wonderful. And then it reattaches like in a not great way. And you notice the symptoms come back, but differently because it’s a different attachment and you have to get it, you know, released again. Um, and that’s when it’s like, well, if you had been working with IBCLC the whole time checking for that and, and you know, the body worker, like they could have been helping. You could have been doing these other exercises too. And that would help with the gas also because you wouldn’t have more air coming in and you wouldn’t have that tension that’s causing that buildup and, and all these other things.
That’s crazy. Oh my gosh. He would have been such a happier baby if I had you in my life. Well, I didn’t know about this stuff even. If I had someone like you in my life at that time to tell me what’s up. Yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s fascinating though. Like, but it’s, it’s just to know that, and this is kind of what I keep repeating, that like there are answers to your questions and like if you feel like something’s off or not right or, you know, and maybe you hear like, oh, it’s normal. Oh, it’s new, newborn. Oh, it’s, oh, it’s just colic. They’ll grow out of it. Like just know that like, trust your gut and be like, no, something’s off. I need support, you know.
Trusting Your Gut and Advocacy
And like you said, like if you can build that village beforehand and just have access to people or know who to call or know, you know, if your pediatrician has a referral list, you know what I mean? Like just get those things set up. So then if it comes up and your gut or you’re like, oh, I think I heard something, but maybe it might be this. You can ask someone that can then, you know, inform you and, and it’s hard. I mean, 100% trust your gut and don’t ever feel like, well, this might be a stupid question. Oh, I’m a new parent or I should know better. I’m trained in, like, I’ve had those moments. I’m like, I’m trained in this, but I’m going to ask anyway because better to ask than be like prideful and like, I shouldn’t ask because I’m embarrassed or whatever.
And unfortunately, a lot of times it can take years to find like the right person who has the right knowledge to just tell you something so simple. You’re like, why didn’t someone tell me this five years ago? And that is what bugs me. And that’s what I’m trying to like eliminate because it’s, you’re going to have to suffer through it. I’m like, which gatekeeper do I need to find to get this like simple thing that it’s like, once I know it, there’s all this information online. Like, but I’m just missing, you know, those little words. It’s, that’s what’s frustrating. And I wish that we could, um, prevent parents from, from going through that and searching for answers for years. Yeah. Yeah. That is so amazing.
Challenges of Parenting Multiple Children
Just thinking about my, I can’t stop thinking about my screaming little tiny little boy and like, all you want to do is get, all you want to do is like solve it. You just want to make everything better and you’re just in the throes and it was, you know, your second kid. So there’s also toddler running around. And so they’re not the only focus and, you know, and what’s cool is so many of these practitioners of these care specialists of these, um, IBCLCs, they, they come in to the home, which I think is a huge relief as well, right? Think about getting out the door with a toddler and a newborn and you’re like, I’ll just suffer through because that’s like, I can’t, I can’t right now, you know? And the number of appointments you have as a new parent, it’s like, yeah, I mean, I know I need to go. Yeah. It’s trying to have those appointments even set up, you know, on these people in line before baby comes that way. It’s just there and then you’ll know and you’ll have the answers whether you think you need them or not, right?
You’re someone in there to help you support you. And so that if you have questions, you know, like, oh, well, she’s coming tomorrow. So then, you know, maybe my nipple’s not going to be completely destroyed if I’m trying this for three, four days, right? Yes. That was me. I was like, I was just, I can’t, you know, and then things got kind of solved. Um, but having that appointment, even that discussion, yeah. Finding the people that come into your home, like you mentioned, I know in Southern California, um, there are some amazing providers who go in home, um, which is just like, yes, there was, um, Dr. Tracy Tran, I believe was, um, going in home. I don’t know if she still does that for clients for the release procedure. And she, at the, like years ago, she would bring an IBCLC with her. And I’m like, that’s just amazing.
Navigating Care Options and Professional Boundaries
You know, like everyone else, um, I drive an hour to the provider who I like and people drive, they come from out of state to see this provider too. You know, imagine that having to like, get an airplane and stay at a hotel, you know, all of that to try to get this help. Um, but there’s massage therapists because you’re going to need some TLC, you know, um, they’ll go in home, you know, postpartum doulas, um, IBCLCs, private practice, they’ll go in home, um, breastfeeding specialists like me or CLC. Um, it’s just another different certification. They’ll go in home. Um, there’s some CSTs, like I was going in home, but now I’m due with a baby number six soon. So I’m like, you can come to my office now. Um, yeah. So there, there’s options out there. Yeah.
You just have to like research them, weigh them, and just because they come in home, like, well, if there’s someone who’s like a little bit better trained that you doesn’t come in home, maybe you want to go with them and you know, you have so many pros and cons lists to look at. Um, and so that you don’t overwhelm yourself, it’s good to start researching now. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And that world online can be really overwhelming, but look at the reviews, ask people, start joining those Facebook mom groups, you know what I mean? Like those didn’t exist when I, you know, my my babies were little. So it’s like get referral, like people are like, oh, I don’t have mom friends yet. And it’s like, well, you can get into spaces and communities, even online and start creating mom friends, like, hey, I’m pregnant and I would love to start building.
Avoiding the “Hive Mind” for Medical Advice
And then people be like, oh my gosh, I’m obsessed with this person because of that. And they will, moms love to share all the things good and bad that they went through. Oh yeah. They’ll tell, they’ll tell you everything. Yeah. My caveat to that is, um, please don’t go into a mom’s group going like, um, I like three or four months postpartum is usually when I see these posts about like, oh, I’m losing my supply. I don’t know what to do. And everyone posts like, try this cookie, try this lactation drink. And I’m like, please see a craniosacral therapist and a lactation like specialist consultant because there can be other things going on. Yeah. Now you on the internet have not seen your baby. They don’t know your medical history. Like there’s so much more to it than just like it could be, you need a hydration boost.
So I will say that please like for stuff that you think might be like, oh, I can ask the hive mind, what works for them. You are not them. You are you and you’re a unique person. Your baby is a unique person. So what worked for Tabitha, you know, might give you an allergic reaction or make your supply worse, you know? Yes. 100%. Yeah. Definitely for referrals and recommendations, I think it’s wonderful. Yeah. Like for who to, you know, where can I find help and. Yeah. And call them up and then, yeah, go with your gut. Who do you resonate with? Who do you? Yeah. 100%. Yeah. That’s key. And, um, yeah, something we’ve obviously been like really driving home is create that village. Yeah. Go and I want it to be. And like, here’s some people and here’s some advice. And I, you know, all of us are saying like, here’s some information and empower yourself to, yes, learn all the things. Try not to go down too many rabbit holes, you know?
Vetting Information and Outdated Practices
Like I thought I read all the books and I was ready for anything. And it’s like, I feel like I read all the books on pregnancy and maybe bringing a baby into the world, but then I, you know, right? So like, I would have. And that’s the other thing. It’s like, we tend to think like, oh, it’s a book. It must be. It must be like a trusted resource, but anybody can publish a book, right? And it could be actually now, like let’s be actually now. It’s just like, but even before there’s a lot of like trusted parenting books and it’s like really outdated stuff and they tell you things like it’s fact, but then if you look at the actual studies, you’re like, this is not a not true study. Like this would not pass high school like biology. Like what? Yeah. This is from like the 40s or 50s.
I love that up to date in their information. Like we had, um, a pelvic floor therapist come and speak to our village of moms, um, at class. And it was, um, interesting because someone was like, well, my pediatrician told me this and this and this. And she goes, who’s your pediatrician? You know? And she was like, because it’s, you know, it’s a community where she went to this, right? They all know each other. And, um, and she was like, yeah, she’s very old and she doesn’t update herself on current practices and new research and science and like, right? And so she’s like, so she’s telling you something that she’s been telling her patients for the past 45 years, you know, which maybe that’s all 40 years ago. The oatmeal in the bottle or rice in the bottle. I still, I still see moms in Facebook groups going, how do I do this? My pediatrician said I could. And I’m like, well, now or like, oh, my pediatrician gave me the okay to start solids now that my baby’s four months. And I’m like, ah, your pediatrician is not a nutritionist. Like, yeah, please don’t.
The Limitations of General Pediatricians
Um, so it’s, it’s another one of those where it’s like, I feel like you think, well, they’re supposed to be the baby doctor, but they don’t know, you know, they, they get like 10 hours of lactation education, whereas like I’ve taken hundreds upon hundreds. And it’s not a place where we blame them because I think we’re like, oh, we’re so mad that they don’t know all the things and they should be trained in all the things. And it’s like, but they shouldn’t. They’re one person, but they, they should be able to say that’s not my specialty, which I think that pediatricians could be better at. But I feel like we put that pressure on them to know everything. And that’s not fair to pediatricians. Yeah. And pediatricians often are in like a medical system where they have patient after patient after patient. Yeah. We’ve talked a lot. How can you get anything done by the time that, you know, the end of the day happens? They don’t have time for like the passion projects of taking like these new courses and updating stuff like those of us in private practice have, you know, because we have fewer patients and they have back to back, like it’s, it’s hard. It is hard. You have a very rough schedule. Amount of people. Yeah.
Evolving Models of Specialized Pediatric Care
And yeah, in passing, because we have a couple of doctors, pediatricians on in our summit that we get to hear from and learn from. And they, they couldn’t handle not being able to spend enough time with their patients. So they’re like, they went out on their own and they started doing in home or they started their own practice where they’re like, oh yeah, our consultations are like an hour and we address all the things, you know? And then it was like, I needed to learn more about breastfeeding. And so they got their certification so they can come in the home and they can treat this, but also like if you need medicine, they can write prescription, you know what I mean? So it’s, it’s very cool how we’re kind of seeing that start to happen. Yes.
I just wish that it was affordable to people because, yeah, I mean, I think they can still, since they’re a pediatrician bill, but like since I’m not a doctor or, um, RN or whatever, I can’t bill insurance. They can use health savings for me, but it’s out of pocket. So that is like a prohibitive factor, but it’s like, I spend an hour with you. Actually, sometimes I have a, I have a client who had an hour appointment, but then she was here for two hours. I’m like, that kind of doesn’t have anyone after her. Right. You know, it happens. Yeah. And you know, you become the therapist and everything else. Yeah.
Hopes for the Future of Postpartum Support
And I keep saying like, I hope that we’re building a world in which, like maybe my daughter, that this will be common practice and insurance will cover it. You know what I mean? That we’ll have enough support for these moms where you’re getting everything you need to thrive. And yeah, um, yeah, I’m so like, we mentioned save up for it, put these services on your list, on your registration, um, see if someone is, you know, certified, but also maybe, um, does some pro bono work or even is on a sliding scale. And there are certain states that are popping up with like insurance covering certain things or covering 75%. So like do the research. Don’t just assume. I assumed that I can’t afford that. Like I don’t, and I had a horrible experience with my lactation expert that came in. And so then that like put a bad taste in my mouth with that expert. But you know, you can’t blame one person for not, you know. And that’s difficult because you talk to someone beforehand and know beforehand because I’m in the throes and I’m like, I think I know my baby and she’s telling me this. I’m like, that’s not going to happen. That she’s not, that’s not going to. And she, and then she’s like, I’ve never met a baby that didn’t. I was like, well, I told you it wasn’t going to happen because we spent too long, like whatever. And then it was just like, I’m crying and like my mother-in-law’s spying in. And I’m like, I can’t. This is like, ah, you know, it was just like out of a reality freak show. It was, yeah, it was so horrible.
Establishing Healthy Professional Relationships
But, um, had I known that maybe this is something I would need support in, right? I could have like done this with a couple of people and like, you know, nailed down some, you know, some support in my life. So I wasn’t in that state when it was like, when everything’s a mess, right? And that’s a really good point too. Like you have to advocate for yourself and for your baby. And no, it’s okay. Like you can fire your pediatrician. You can fire IBCLC. Yeah. Get a different one. If they’re making you feel uncomfortable or like your questions are stupid or they’re not listening to you. Yeah. You know, um, it’s such a rough period. Like you said, you’re in the throes of everything. Yeah. And you’re very hormonal and sensitive. Yes. Um, but you do know your baby best. You may not know like all the stuff that they’ve trained in and researched, but if you have a gut feeling and they’re dismissing you, yeah, find someone else because not the, nobody has the same training across the board, you know, which we’ve discussed. So it’s like, if that’s not the right pediatrician for you, find a different one. If that’s not the right IBCLC for you, like I’ve actually had clients who’ve seen like three different IBCLCs and they weren’t great. And then I helped them with something and it’s, it’s sad to hear that. Um, but we’re all human. Yeah. We’re all human.
And you know, and maybe that person would, I mean, because that person was great for my pediatrician. So I’m like, cool. I’m getting my pediatrician’s lactation expert. And that was not great. It was because you’re a different person too. And a different pediatrician. Yeah. You had different needs. Yeah. And then, um, but also like she, her last baby was like 10 years prior. And so, right? Like so that person might not even be anyway. Yeah. That’s a problem. Yeah. And then also you need to be able to vibe with them because we all have different personalities. Like I may be someone’s cup of tea, you know, and they might like somebody else who like is more reserved and doesn’t just kind of talk about everything with them. So, you know, make sure you’re comfortable with your care team. That’s your care team, you know? And if someone comes into your house that, you know, wants to support you and be part of your care team, should also say that. Like you, we got to vibe. We got to be down. And if you’re not, that’s totally fine. I could send, you know, I can refer some other people that are great that, you know, and I think that’s really important too. Just to know that like, hey, we’re here to support you however you need to. If I’m your person, great. If not, like you just, you do you.
Communication and Transparency in Home Care
Like don’t feel like, you know, and I, there was another, um, um, summer who owns Summer Sleep Secrets and she trains and certifies, um, people in, um, in various fields. And, um, and she was like, yeah, no, I sit down with them. I’m like, if, if that, if you want to go with this other gal that just left, she’s like, you have to like, here’s what I offer. And then this is what she offered. Very different. And we go about things in different ways. So it’s whatever you, as this team of parents, you know, want to do. Yeah. Because you don’t want to be working with someone who, you know, especially in postpartum, you know, their parents who will like smile and nod at stuff and then complain about, oh, I didn’t like this person. And it could be nitpicky stuff because you’re hormonal. It could be you just don’t like that person. It’s like, you should have just told them from the beginning, especially if it’s a postpartum doula or someone coming in your home. Right. You need to, you don’t have to shower and get dolled up or clean your house for them to come. They know what you’re, they’re going to see there. Yeah. Be comfortable, but also be honest with them because they can’t give you the best care if you’re not telling them honestly. Like, hey, could you maybe do this instead? Hey, we have a no shoes rule in our house. Tell them up front so they have that, you know, they know what they’re supposed to be doing instead of you being like, oh, I don’t want to be rude. And then you’re like really upset about stuff that you never expressed. So that’s important too. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Yeah. Communicate open. Like you’re paying them. Be honest. They’re there to help you. And then if even with that, you don’t mesh well, they’re not the right person for you. They don’t want to work in an environment where they feel like scrutinized and you don’t want to feel that you don’t want someone in an environment who you feel like is not supporting you properly. So it’s definitely important both, both ways. Yeah. I love that.
Conclusion and Contact Information
Well, if people want to work with you, reach out to you or have questions or concerns and, you know, want some referrals on, you know, you name it. Why don’t you, we’ll have all the information, the email and stuff, but why don’t you just shout out where they can find you, how they can get in touch, um, if they, yeah, if they want to reach out. Yeah. So I’m Navigating Parenthood on Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest. NavigatingParenthood.com is my website. And, um, sharey@navigatingparenthood.com is my email. So feel free to reach out any of those places. I don’t know everything, which I think it would be a red flag if someone said they did, but I can try to help you and like refer you to who I might think might know.
Um, there’s a lot and she’s not her sixth kid, y’all. She’s not her sixth kid, you know, you know, she’s been through it. She’s in the throes. I love when are you due? Uh, June, it’s supposed to be June 16th, but I don’t know. This one’s, this one’s got me guessing. I’m like, is it now? Uh, so we’ll see. 36 pounds and I’m 34 weeks. So, okay. Yeah. We’ll see. Final stretch. Final stretch. Well, I’m going to vote for the 9th. That’s my birthday, June 9th. I not May 9th. I am thinking June 9th, if not May. That is what we’re thinking right now. All right. So we’ll see. Well, I’m excited to, to see the new bundle. So exciting. Well, thank you, Sherry, so much for joining us. We really appreciate all that awesome information. And again, reach out if you have any questions, concerns. Um, she’ll, she’ll guide you in the right direction. I really, I really feel that. So, um, thank you. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for all the support that you offer moms and babies and parents. Um, I think the more that we support all our moms and educate them and the more that these experts, you know, continue to educate themselves, right? And then share that information. I just think, yeah, the more supported and stronger we’ll be in this community. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me and hosting this and yeah, letting me come and talk. Of course. And we’ll see you. We’ll see you back again. This is not the end. We’re going to do plenty of these. And, um, next one, you’re going to have a little, I want to see that little tiny baby. Oh, I love the babies. Well, congratulations again on number six. And, um, yeah, we’ll, we’ll chat again soon. Thanks for joining us. We’ll see you. Thank you. Bye.